Damages
by LotornoMiko
Summary: Not all men are heroes and some abusers are closer than one expects. Keith Allura drabble that might be developed into a series.
1. Chapter 1

Standard disclaimer time! I do not own Voltron or it's characters! That honer belongs to World Events Production. I make no money off this fic, or the characters used in this story.

-----Michelle

I'm laying here on the floor where he left me, keenly aware of my body in that super heightened way. It hurts too breathe, I can hear it rattling out my mouth, a loud raspy sound that would have me wincing if I could muster up the strength. I can't, I never can, not with this and not with him.

I wonder when I've become so weak, to allow him, to allow anyone to abuse me so. I know once I was strong, capable of protecting not only myself but others in my care. Now I can do nothing, and that knowledge brings red hot tears that burn my eyes. I don't want to cry, do not want to be reduced to tears on the floor, but like with so much else, he's changed me, made me into this mess on the floor.

It wasn't always like this. In the beginning we were happy, he actually seemed to care for me. I look back at those memories of better days, and it's a sense of wonder that surrounds me. How could he be the same man of my memories and yet do this to me? I moan as I wonder that, but it's a quiet sound, one that won't draw attention to me.

I must never draw attention, it's one of his rules. He has many, and this feels the hardest to follow. It's difficult, as tough to please him as it is to live my life in accordance to his commands. I'm rewarded with pain if I falter, if I show hesitation in the slightest.

It's so hard not to cringe at the memories, knowing he won't show any hesitation in putting me in my place. His hands are always quick to fly, to let loose with his assault. I may not bear scars from these attacks, but they're imprinted on me, deeply ingrained in my heart and in my psyche.

At best he leaves only bruises, and worst? Well, just look at me now. Blood on my lips, a tight, painful feeling inside me. I'm sure he's broken a rib or two. I never thought he'd be capable of hurting a woman, and I pay the price for doubting such a thing.

I'm crying now, deep, soul wrenching sobs that hurt. But can anything compare to the pain of what he's done, to the trust he's shattered, to my faith in men being destroyed? The sobs follow that thought, and I keep my head down, trying to muffle my wails against the carpet. I don't know why though, why am I continuing to protect him? He's gone too far, went too far the moment he grabbed my arm that first time, his fingertips leaving bruises on my skin.

Those bruises had been easy to hide, I know the damage he's done today will not be. A split lip, possible internal damage, my one eye already swelling shut. How does he intend to cover it up? Or does he not even care, confidant to leave damage control to me? I'd laugh at the thought, knowing I don't have even one clue as to where to begin to spin this story in a way that will keep suspicion away from him.

If he had just held back, even a little, we could say my injuries stemmed from today's practice. My lion had spiraled out of control, they all had seen it. I crashed into a cavern's side, my body being rocked in place inside blue lion. It's a lie we've used in the past, and I shudder with the realization of just how many times blue lion has taken the blame for his abuse.

I shiver, wondering why I can recognize that what he does is abuse, and yet not take the steps to stop him. Is it because he's a hero of my people? The shining knight that can do no wrong, at least where they are concerned? I wonder what they would think of him if they knew, would they revile him? Or would they blame me, say I am wicked for bringing a hero down so low?

He certainly would, he blames me for his behavior, says I make him crazy. That all he wants to do is love me, and yet I make it so difficult with my behavior. I used to believe him, used to think if I got better, improved my attitude then he'd have no reason to hurt me. I know better now, but the pain doesn't lessen. Even worse is the knowledge that he'll do it again. He's proven that in the past with his actions. And next time I might not survive!

My tears fall faster, burning their way down my swollen cheeks. No one is going to stop him if I don't speak up. The time for lies, for covering is over. He's gone too far, pushed me past my breaking point. I struggle to my knees, and nearly scream with the pain, hunching over. I pant and gasp for a few minutes more, and then I am standing, unsteady on my feet.

The room spins around dizzily, but I manage not to fall, though I do lean into the wall for support. My shaking hand reaches for the knob of the door, and I know he's not coming back. Not to the scene of the crime, and it is a crime what he's done to me. I've dealt with women of my kingdom who've gone through similar things, but never did I imagine I could fall victim to that same abuse.

There's no one in this segment of hall, and I wonder if I will have the strength to make it to where Coran is. I hold back a shiver of fright as I realize he will probably be there with my advisor, talking over things, acting as if he hadn't just been victimizing me minutes ago.

I'll have to be brave, even with his eyes on me. I know Coran won't let him hurt me, he loves me likes a daughter. And no one wants to see their daughter reduced to this. I am confidant he will believe me, and not my abuser, no matter how skillful his tongue is when it comes to it's lies.

Somehow I stumble through the castle, and then I am hearing voices. Coran is there, as are the other members of the Voltron force. But worse yet, Keith is there, though he's not laughing, not joking around with the other men. I almost turn back, frightened of the thought of facing him. But stronger is the fear of this happening again, and I force myself to enter the room.

A pause is heard in the conversation, than gasps and excited exclamations. People run to me, catching me in their arms, Coran cradling me carefully. I'm trying not to faint, it was too soon to travel such a distance. And through it all, he watches me, his eyes narrowed, daring me to speak.

Someone asks who did this to me, and I swallow back a lump of fear. His eyes continue to mock me, but I hold my gaze steady with his. With a tearful exclamation, I raise my hand, finger pointing at my abuser. "Keith." His name is the last thing I say, before the darkness takes me once more.

* * *

This is a drabble since I wasn't sure I wanted to write a whole series about this. But I am tempted too. So I'm saying this is the start to what could become a hopefully short series. And remember folks, it's just fiction though abuse is real and unfortunately alive in life. Some of the nicest seeming guys can have a violent side.

-------Michelle


	2. Chapter 2

The silence that surrounds me is broken only by the steady beeps of a machine, some sort of hospital computer that monitors every beat of my heart. It should be a comforting sound for it lets me know I am alive, but to me it is only annoying. It is an intrusion, something that prevents me from slipping back into the peacefulness of sleep. I want to sleep, it's the only time I don't feel the pain, the only time I don't have to think about him.

But I am awake, and the thoughts will not stay at bay for long, nor will the flashbacks, horrible visions spiking in my mind. And with those memories comes both a sense of guilt and regret. I can't help but wonder where we went wrong, if there was something I could have done to keep him from becoming my abuser.

I search my memories and I cringe, it's a painful reflection that stabs ever deep when I realize that in the beginning we had been happy. So damn happy, it feels like it had happened to another couple. Certainly the man of my memories would never have done the things that he had done, would never have left such scars on my soul.

It hurts to even think his name, his smiling face being replaced with an ugly expression, eyes filled with rage. I'll never understand what drives him to be so angry, or why he chooses to lash out at me.

When did it all begin? I struggle to remember, searching my memories for the first time he truly hurt me. I do not conjure up images of the first slap, but of something more subtle. Harsh words spoken to me, Keith berating my performance in blue lion. He had never wanted me to fly, thought it beneath me. But more than that he said it was too dangerous for me.

I think I felt the first flickers of something more for him then, his concern for my safety touching something deep inside me. Perhaps that was how he lured me in, lulling me into a false sense of security around him. Someone that concerned about me could never, ever hurt me. Or so I thought.

But then that first day that he really let into me, his words rough, unneeded cruelty as he put down my abilities as a pilot. I could remember wanting to cry, he had never spoken to me like that before.

It had started out with a simple rant, familiar words he had often spoken to me before. I had nodded meekly, head not quite bowed as I listened to him berate me. "Careless!" Keith had cried out, and all I could do was bob my head in agreement. "Needlessly reckless, you take risks that put us all in jeopardy."

I never thought of myself as that big a risk taker, but sometimes when I was in that seat, blue lion's controls laid out before me, strong impulses would come over me. The need to prove myself, to show I wasn't just as good as the other members of my team but better. Perhaps I became cocky, trying to do things that would help us win a battle.

I didn't realize how much they worked to compensate for my short comings, not until Keith began listing them all. "You're slow, you leave your right side open to attacks. You panic, and when you do you forget how to pilot your lion. How many times have we had situations where you couldn't activate your own weapons?!"

My cheeks surely turned red at those words, and what's worse I had no defense against them because they were true. Keith hadn't been done with his tirade, the man started to pace around me. Each word like a bullet, burrowing into me with enough force that I would flinch.

"You're a disgrace to the team." He had hissed, and I hadn't dared look at him then. I hadn't wanted to see what sort of expression he wore, didn't want to see coldness in his eyes. "Your actions reflect on us all, and reflect badly. You bring down our performance level, and endanger not only your team mates, but the entire planet. Do you want that Allura?"

"No!" I cried out quickly in protest, but Keith wasn't having any of it.

"We might as well march up to King Zarkon and lay down our weapons. Offer Arus up on a silver platter for all the good you do us as a pilot!" A pause, both in words and movement, Keith coming to stand right before me. I had looked up then, and nearly hissed in surprise, the disgust apparent on his face. "You're absolutely useless."

Useless! The word was like a slap in the face, especially coming from him. Keith, who had been my most staunch worth defender, the sole person who had fought to keep me on the team, against my advisor and even his own team mates' wishes. And now he had let me know how he really felt, sneering at me with that cold look in his eyes.

My eyes had burned at that moment, the tears hot and ready to pour down my face. I had struggled with them, I hadn't wanted him to see me crying, scared of his potential reaction. My fight to maintain composure must have succeeded, for he continued with his words, my head bowing lower with each sentence.

"You're just a girl..." Another one of those pauses, as though he had been giving me time to let the meaning of his words sink more deeply inside me. "Playing at being a hero. And the time for playing is over with."

"Don't take me off the team..." I had begged him then, words heart felt and desperate. "Being a member of the Voltron force means everything to me. It gives me purpose in life..."

"Then act like it!" Keith had retorted. "Stop fooling around, and become serious with the job presented to you. Or go back to being a pampered princess. But do not ever mix up the two together!"

"I won't! I promise I won't!" I had promised him then, my relief palpable in the moment. He wasn't taking me off the team, not yet at any rate. In a twisted way I felt grateful to him, knowing he was the deciding factor on whether I stayed or left. And there he was, giving me another chance to prove myself. It had left me determined not to disappoint him.

Of course I would. It was inevitable. It seemed no matter how much I tried, I was always messing up in some way. First with the lions, then with us, our relationship having become more than just princess and protector. We began dating in secret, stealing moments to ourselves when no one was looking. How innocent those times seemed, our lives full of laughter and love.

I wish I could only remember the good times between us. The happy times, the moments when I felt safe and loved in his arms. But those moments never lasted long enough, especially with Keith pushing me for more. He had wanted things, things I could not give him. I could sense his growing frustration with me and the secrecy of our relationship, but there was little I could do to stop it. I was a princess, and he? He was the hero of my people, but lacked the pedigree to be able to properly court one of my station.

I tried to make the best of it, hoping he was doing the same. But moments would come when he would say things, snide things. Words that hurt me, shooting daggers into my heart. Never did Keith put himself down directly, instead making sly insinuations that I was ashamed of him. Ashamed of our relationship. He began to pretend he didn't understand why else we would need to keep our love a secret.

"It must be nice..." He had once said, his wistful tone not quite hiding the hurtfulness of his words. "To be able to go slumming with a peasant like me."

"I am not slumming!" I had quickly insisted with a shake of my head. He had ignored me, shrugging off my hand on his arm. "Keith..." I should have let him walk away from me then, but I didn't, offering up words to soothe his hurt. That had been a mistake, nothing I could say would make things better between us, not unless I was prepared to out our relationship.

Perhaps I had been wrong to fall in love with someone who wasn't equal to my rank. But love is ever foolish, and cares not about such things. The heart wants what it wants, and we are helpless to resist. I believe Keith loved me, I have to, or I will go mad. And yet I cannot understand how someone who felt the love that I did could do such awful things.

I think I am not without blame, taking up with him in a relationship that could go nowhere. I was setting us both up for heartbreak, and yet I willfully ignored the ultimate outcome of our love. Even when Coran and Nanny began pushing princes, kings, and emperors on me, I continued to cling to my relationship with Keith. I was stubborn, refusing to even consider the offers for my hand, and maintaining a veil of secrecy around me.

The men continued to propose, offers coming in droves, many lacking subtlety. They certainly didn't try to keep secret about their desire to court me, their antics and gifts putting further strain on my relationship with Keith. I can recall vividly the breaking point of all that attention I received, and though it pains me to do so, I shudder at the memory.

Keith and I had stolen away for a few moments alone. Inside my mother's tea parlor, surrounding by her memory, and her things, we had shared a few kisses and warm embraces. Both of us had been tense, I assumed he was as fearful as I about getting caught. I thought wrong. What started out as an innocent encounter, soon became heated, Keith pulling at my clothes. It was something he was doing more and more often, trying to go further than I was prepared to go.

He had managed to get my shirt free of my belt, his hands sliding underneath the fabric. He moved them with a purpose, seeking out my breasts to give my a firm fondle. Although the act wasn't unpleasant in the slightest, I had pulled away, a blush coloring my cheeks. He hadn't gotten the message, advancing on me, hands gripping my waist, pulling me close for a heated kiss. This time I refused his lips, and he gave me such a look, reminding me of a wounded animal.

I should have remembered that animals are their most vicious when wounded, even as Keith asked in a deceptively calm voice, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I had answered, stepping away from him. I put the table between us, needing that space to think.

"Then why won't you let me kiss you?" Keith had asked, the first hint of a frown on his face.

"You want more than a kiss." His frown deepened, and it was enough to fool me into thinking hurt was the only thing bubbling within him.

"Is that so wrong?" Keith had wanted to know, and it was my turn to frown.

"I didn't say it was wrong....I just...." I had sighed then, taking a seat on the nearest wicker chair. "I just have certain obligations to uphold."

"Obligations?" He had repeated, earning a nod from me. He didn't ask what obligations could keep me from going further than a kiss with him. Instead his eyes narrowed, Keith practically hissing in that moment. "It's those men...those royal dogs who sniff after you, desperate for your hand." I had made a sound then, I wasn't sure what I meant to say, but he never gave me a chance to form words. "You think to save yourself for one of them, don't you?" He screamed them, the words mad and accusing. "Don't you?"

It would have been bad enough to be yelled at by him, but then he reached down for the table's edge. His actions followed his scream, Keith flipping the table over, my mother's porcelain tea set smashing into the floor. It and it's cups were beyond salvageable, shattered pieces that even glue would not be able to hold together.

"Keith....!" It seemed all I could do was say his name, and that set him off even more. He flew into a rage, shouting out words, accusing me of doing things with those other men. For each growled out shout, more damage was done to the parlor, Keith throwing things, punching the wall, overturning furniture. I could only cower in fear, sitting in that chair as he circled around the room committing a wave of destruction.

When it was over with, he was left panting, breaths harsh and heavy. His one hand was bleeding, he had split the palm open on a shard of a vase when he crushed it in his hands. I had started to cry, tiny whimpers of sound as I tried to control my tears, frightened of setting him off once more. But my weeping seemed to get through to him, he suddenly approached me, arms entwining around me from behind.

"I'm sorry." He had spoken quietly, nuzzling his face against my hair. I can remember how strongly I trembled in his arms, frightened beyond belief. "I didn't mean to do that. You drive me crazy, you know that?" I realize now it was just like him to blame his actions on me, but back then I had accepted the words, whispering out an apology of my own.

"I don't mean to." I had tearfully said.

"I just wish things could be different..." Keith had murmured. "I'm so tired of the secrecy and the lies. Having to hide what I feel for you."

"It's stressful for me to." I had actually been willing to write off his behavior as a manifestation of the stress he had been experiencing. Especially with him turning gentle, holding me in a comforting embrace. I needed that comfort, I sought it out, even as the man who offered it had terrified me earlier.

He helped me clean up the mess he had made of the room, but many things were damaged beyond repair. It hurt all the more that it had been my mother's belongings that had suffered for the problems in our relationship, but it wouldn't be the last time he would destroy things. Anger at me, at our situation would continue, boiling in him until it erupted in violent displays.

"If you really loved me...." He would often snarl. "You'd tell them about us! Stations be damned!" I was helpless against such accusations, wondering if a part of me didn't love him enough, just like he said.

Keith would make me desperate to prove myself to him, to validate the love I felt for him. Eventually our relationship moved passed kisses and hugs, I was doing things with him I had never done before, sexual things. I wouldn't let him take my virginity, but I would let him have other firsts, and for a time he seemed happy with making use of my hands and my mouth.

I couldn't realize that would only make him more possessive, Keith assuming it was only a matter of time before I gave all of myself to him. He didn't want to understand that it wasn't mine to give, that a part of me would always belong to my people, my kingdom. I had my duties, and though we could ignore them for a time, in the end they always came calling for me.

It wasn't enough to run the kingdom, and pilot blue lion, I had to entertain those who sought my hand in marriage. Balls were sometimes held, lavish affairs where the various royals would present themselves to me. I knew I was in love with Keith, but I had an obligation to my people. And so I gave those men a chance, speaking with them, getting to know them, even dancing.

And all the while he would stare at me from across the room, smoky gaze boring into me and whatever partner I moved with. Finally after one ball too many, he would drag me outside, pulling me into the shadows of some trees. The shadows would hide his dark intentions, Keith fingers digging into my arms, bruising me.

"You're mine!" He had snarled, giving me a vicious shake. My head had rattled from the force of it, my lip being bitten to hold back my protesting cries. I had tried to twist away from him, and got shoved against a tree, Keith pinning me in place with his eyes blazing. "No other man shall have you!"

He hadn't waited for me to answer, Keith kissing me hard. It was different from all the other kisses we shared, not loving, not passionate, just angry. He had kissed me as though he intended to destroy me with his lips, I even cut myself on his teeth, tasting blood. And all the while his fingers squeezes my arms, hurting me more and more.

I wouldn't return to the party that night, giving off lies of suddenly falling ill. I knew that had disappointed my caregivers, they had such high expectations of me. And Keith placed even more on me, forcing me to disappoint others to please him. The balls would continue to be held, but no longer would I dance or speak more than a few words to any potential suitors.

I couldn't realize the damage I was doing to my reputation, those suitors letting word travel of my cold disposition. If it weren't for Voltron, the offers for my hand would have stopped completely. That would have suited Keith just fine. Perhaps he thought if I drove off all my options, I would have no choice but to pick him.

The verbal puts downs and abuse would continue, Keith never lax in pointing out my faults. It seemed there was little I could do to please him, he found fault with the way I dressed, the way I wore my hair, even the way I spoke to the other members of the team.

"You're too overly familiar with Lance and the others." He had complained.

"They're my friends." I would point out, tired of this familiar argument.

"You don't need them as friends. You only need me." He would quickly retort. He had meant it too, Keith working to isolate me from friends, family, and servants. It frustrated him that people kept coming to the castle, seeking me out for help or advice. He didn't know how to drive them away, and would grow increasingly angry at their presence in my life.

There was one person in particular who would soon occupy all of Keith's thoughts. A certain prince from the Drule Empire, a man more stubborn than all the royals combined who had courted me. I don't know what Lotor was thinking when he first began to pursue me, but his interest enraged Keith. It wouldn't be long before all our

arguments seemed to be about Lotor, and with it, would come the increasing of Keith's violent temper.

* * *

To Be Continued.....

Ah....so originally my plan was, the chapters that followed the first one would take place in the months leading up to her laying beaten on the floor. But I decided first person, and having Allura flash back on moments of her turbulent relationship with Keith works better for me.

Michelle

Heza08, why thank you so much for the awesome review! :) Yes you're right, fanfic should be a wide playground, we should be allowed to explore the potentials that exist with these characters! Some of the points you make, is stuff I would potentially like to work into this mini series. I'm glad to she doesn't remain a victim. I very much like it that she gets the strength to name of her attacker, rather than cover up for him one more time. I think Lotor will be explored more in the third chapter, but honestly I am very much enamored with the idea that Allura saves herself, rather than wait for a man to ride to the rescue! But we shall see how the story develops!

Evilerk, thank you for your words. You're right, it's a story, but not everyone will respect that. I think it's rather limitng to be expected to fit into the molds and cliches that have been previously established in the fandom. So this was rather freeing to write!

Harmony Winters, thanks! I guess I'm a glutton for punishment...I mean I know not everyone will like the subject matter and the characters used to explore it. So I'm trying to wear a falme retardant suit to help me deal with any potential flames I get. So I guess you're right, I am being brave! ^^;; I guess I am fascinated at the potentials a Dark Keith, a anti Keith holds. I am considering doing a Keith POV for this mini series. I have a few lines written down for him in my notes. I am flattered by your words, that you feel I could do that view point justice!

Misty Gargoyle, that's me! Boldy going to new fanfic territory! :D And you're right, a lot of abusers are good at putting on a decent act, fooling others into thinking they are one thing when they're really not. And yeah, it would be so cliche and predicatable and expected to use Lotor in this role. And really, he gets enough of this "likes to slap Allura around" in other people's fics. It wouldn't even make that good a story with Lotor in the role of abuser, cause he's the bad guy. He's expected to do horrible things. But to see the good one, the one everyone trusts and respects doing such an act, now there's a compelling idea! Thank you for reading and revieiwng! 

Lotor Sincline, thank you, thank you! I'm glad you gave this fic a chance, even though it's not a Lotor centric piece. Though he will show up in mentions of the third chapter! I'm glad you'll keep reading! And I hate the stuff that bashes Lotor too. :(


	3. Chapter 3

It's difficult for me to even think about the prince of Doom without experiencing an intense series of emotions, including that hot rush of fear that is present in all my encounters with him. And encounter him I did, far more times than I am comfortable with. And yet each time I managed to walk away, still retaining my freedom and that of my planet's.

I wonder at that small miracle, wonder how a man that could want as strongly as Lotor does, could fail so many times to achieve his desires. You see, Lotor wanted me from the very first moment he saw me, and he made no effort to hide that desire. He was bold as can be, stating his intentions, and how he intended to take what he could not earn.

That alone should have been enough to upset Keith, what man could stand to hear another speaking on how he would forcefully take from him his lover. Of course Lotor never realized just what my relationship with Keith was. I've no doubt the two of them would have killed each other if the truth was brought to light. As it was, Lotor often targeted the captain, eager to bring down my kingdom's white knight.

From the very first day Lotor stepped into our lives, his appearance as sudden as a rainstorm, he began goading Keith into encounters. Keith would always rise to the challenge, confidant to the point of cockiness that he could win. This would nearly cost him his life on several occasions, and I would bear the brunt of Keith's rage at his failings.

I can't help but remember the first time he struck me, the attack coming on the heels of a victory that had nearly turned fatal. Keith had agreed to meet the prince alone, they were to duel with Arus as the victor's spoils. The two fought a long and hard battle, but ultimately, by some miracle, Arus' champion won. Even after all we had been through with King Zarkon, Keith had still held onto that spark of belief that not all Drule were bad.

He nearly paid with his life for believing that, Lotor blindsiding him, and leaving him to dangle off the side of a cliff. I'll never understand why the prince didn't finish off Keith then and there, why he left him with a chance, slim though it was, to survive.

And survive he did, Keith returning to the castle with many injuries, tracking blood all over the floors. He ignored his pain to fly black lion, to help us defeat the prince's monster. Afterwards, in the medical wing of the castle, I slipped into Keith's room, radiating concern and tears. He was subdued, not even offering the bare minimum in comfort. That was all right, I took it upon myself to support us both, having to fight not to throw myself into his arms.

He left me to do all the talking, and I can recall talking about inconsequential things. Silly things, topics chosen with care to keep his mind from worrying about my kingdom's safety. His silence troubled me, but I kept at it, not realizing it might have been best if I excused myself from the room. Instead I sat there, trying not to fidget, trying to earn a smile from him.

I should have known it would be impossible, I could barely see through the blur of tears as I looked at his bruised and battered face. When at last I could take no more, I reached out to touch his hair, figners trembling as I carefully brushed raven locks aside, revealing an especially jagged cut. "Oh Keith..." I had whispered then, my pretense that nothing was wrong fading. "I'm so sorry..."

He just looked at me then with unfathomable eyes, and before I knew it my own tears were falling. I had sniffled, knowing I was failing us both with my lack of bravery. I moved my hands, intending to touch the bandages on his chest. "It'll be all right..." I had said, the gauze feeling scratchy under my fingertips. "We'll beat back Lotor next time."

"Next time..." Keith had repeated, his voice sounding strained.

I had nodded, keeping my eyes on his bandages, noting there was so much gauze wound about his chest. The doctors had said some ribs had been broken from his fall, it surely hurt Keith to breathe. "You did your best." I had added, Keith seeming to tremble with emotion against my fingers. "If that Lotor hadn't lied to you, hadn't tricked you into believing he would honor the duel's outcome, Arus would be free right now."

"Are you saying it's my fault Arus is not?" Keith had demanded, and I had jerked my gaze up to his face. His eyes were still dark, but anger had boiled within his gaze. I can remember gasping then, staring at him with my mouth open. My hands were still on his chest, I hadn't dared move. "Is that what you're saying Allura?"

"No...no!" I had quickly protested, shocked by his accusing tone. "It's not your fault..."

"Then whose fault is it?" Keith had asked, and I could only shrug helplessly. "Why didn't you try harder to stop me from meeting with him?" Another question I could only gape and stare at, knowing I had begged him not to go. My lack of silence, or perhaps the stunned stupid expression on my face is what angered him, he was slapping at my hands, chasing them away from his chest with hits that stung.

It wasn't the most vicious of attacks I know, he did more damage to my ego than my body. But that would be the first time Keith had ever struck me directly, having always preferred to wreck the room than lay a finger on me.

He offered no apologies for the slaps, and I expected none. I didn't understand why he could do that, but I was quick to write off his actions as stemming from his injuries and the pain medication he was on. Surely that, and the crushing defeat Lotor had left him with had made Keith moody, I felt I should have known better than to talk about such things so soon.

Like a fool I remained by his side, keeping as silent a vigil as I could manage. It wouldn't take long for Keith to recover from his injuries, but practice drills inside the lions all but ground to a halt. It presented an opportunity to me, one I couldn't resist, once I convinced myself I was doing for the good of my planet.

Keith's injuries had left me realizing how vulnerable Arus was when a pilot of the lions was down. But more than that, I realized how much we depended on Keith, on having him lead us in black lion. That lion was the most difficult to control, and no one seemed able to fly it save for Keith. I never meant to make him think I was trying to

replace him, I merely wanted to be ready in case Doom attacked during Keith's recovery.

So I began sneaking into the lion, practicing how to fly it, training both it and myself to be ready for battle. It was unfortunate, but the day for fighting would come sooner than I was ready for, Doom's ships appearing in the sky during one of my training flights. My appearance inside Black lion surprised Coran and my team mates, Lance and the others very vocal about their displeasure. I cared not what they thought, Keith's opinion was the only one that mattered.

But he said nothing about it, calm as can be as he took up control of blue lion. Our battle with the forces of Doom would go horrible, we'd barely win and it was all because of me, and my inexpertness inside black lion.

Afterwards I was forced to meet with the members of my team, and again only Keith kept quiet. But the look in his eyes spoke another story, he was angry, but more than that he was disappointed with me. He didn't even try to defend me when my own team members turned against me, saying terrible things, all but calling me spoiled and a brat, and wishing Sven was still here so they needn't deal with me as a pilot.

I don't know if their words were meant to hurt as badly as they did, but they succeeded in driving me from the room in tears. I would wander the castle for hours, and during this time Lotor would make his presence on Arus known. Once again he would offer up a bargain, wanting me to turn myself in to him to ensure the planet's continued well being.

I didn't know what to do, and had no one to turn to but Keith. I had wanted him to reassure me that everything would be all right, that we would find a way to defeat Lotor, and keep my planet safe from harm. I should have never gone looking for him, the hours hadn't been long enough to cool his anger.

I found him in the castle's command center, the room's lights shut off so that the only illumination came from the computer's screens glow. For the longest time I just stood in the doorway, watching him with tears streaking down my face. I almost turned away, something in me must have read the atmosphere in the room, known it would have been a bad idea to approach him.

But before I could decide, he was speaking to me. "I know you're there...Allura." I had nodded though his back remained to me, taking a tentative step into the room.

"What are we going to do Keith?" I had asked, and he rose from his seat to face me, his expression blanketed in shadows. "Lotor seems unstoppable this time...we barely fought off his fleet...he hasn't even unleashed one of Doom's robeasts yet."

It had truly felt hopeless in the moment, and I looked to Keith for guidance. Instead I got a snide retort, Keith asking me about black lion. "The lion?" I had repeated, blinking rapidly to hide my confusion.

"You seem to think you are the real leader of this team..." Keith had replied, continuing to walk towards me. "Why aren't you out there, leading us?" I could only make confused sounds, unsure of what to say. His voice didn't hold any anger to it, it was dull, lacking any discernible emotion. "Go on!" His voice had come out a little sharper then, Keith flinging out his arm, hand gesturing towards the raised lion chutes. "Prove to us you're better than me!"

"It was never about proving I was better, least of all better than you!" I had gasped out, taking a step back from his advance. I couldn't tell if his eyes narrowed, I'll never know what sort of expression he wore for what would come next.

"Then what was it about?!" Keith had demanded as I bumped into the wall with my back. He didn't touch me though he did crowd in close, leaving me feeling trapped. "You KNOW black lion is MY lion. You know no one flies it but me, that no one else can handle it's power, that no one else has the hours of training needed to even try! And yet you still stole away with it, putting not only yourself, but the entire security of the planet in danger! What were you thinking Allura?!"

"I...I wanted..."

"Wanted what?!" he had bit out when I faltered.

"I wanted to help....help you..." I had stuttered, feeling scared and helpless. "You're still recovering from your injuries..."

"Are you saying I am too weak to fly black lion?" His voice had been a dangerous growl, making me go still in an instant. I could sense this moment was pivotal, that something was going to happen, something I might not be able to prevent with words alone.

"No...never that!" I had said, and I reached out to touch his arm. I meant it to be a comforting touch, but he grabbed my wrist, stopping me from making contact with his arm.

"Then what?" He had hissed, and I whimpered then.

"You're hurting me Keith."

"You think THIS hurts?" He had laughed then, the sound without any humor to it. "It can't compare to the pain I am feeling. The pain at the thought that you meant to replace me!"

"No! You're jumping to conclusions..." I had retorted, frantically twisting in his grip, trying to get my arm free.

"I have fought for Arus for two years now..." He had said, seeming to ignore what I had cried out. "And time and time again, I have brought us the victory your people so desperately needed."

"Yes, yes you have!" I had agreed, hoping it would be enough to calm him.

"I have endured pain, and hardships, and the ultimate in foolish decisions on your part." Keith had continued. "I make one mistake, one lousy error in judgment, and this is how you seek to repay me?"

"No....! You couldn't have known Lotor would lie to you..."

"But you think I should have!" He jerked hard on my arm, and I reached out with my free one, placing my hand on his chest. It was more than a touch I performed, I dug my nails right into his bandages, hoping to stab into his injuries in an attempt to get him to let me go. I must have hit an especially sensitive spot, for Keith was hissing, jerking me away from the wall.

I had stumbled forward, trying to turn to face him when his hand caught me just across my left cheek. The backhand slap left me stunned, I fell backwards, my feet leaving me to hit the floor. I didn't scream then, I should have. Instead I just began to cry, a crumpled mess on the floor. My shock seemed nowhere as strong as Keith's had been, the man kneeling down, his voice filled with grief.

"My God...Allura..." He had reached towards my face then, intending to cup the cheek that was screaming in pain. "I...I'm so sorry...I don't know what came over me..." I had said nothing, just stared at him accusingly, wondering if the pain in my face would ever stop. Keith had seemed frantic in the moment, both for forgiveness and the need to help me.

"Stay here....I'll be right back." Keith had ordered, leaving to fetch me an ice pack. It wouldn't be enough to keep my face from bruising, even if I had remained around long enough for him to return with it.

Instead I had gone on shaky legs to blue lion, making a decision in my hysterical state. I would go to Lotor, I would give him what he wanted, so long as he would keep his word that Arus would remain unharmed. It would take some time for me to realize how foolish I was being, but by then my lion was already clawing it's way into Lotor's base.

They actually shot at me, trying to disable my lion. I blacked out at that point, and when I would awaken it would be in Lotor's arms. It would be the first time I was ever this close to him, and the experience left me shaken and cold. It was then that I realized how stupid I was acting, how foolish I was to believe he would ever give up Arus for one woman.

Lotor tried to kiss me, and I slapped him then, seeing the anger flare to life in his eyes. It was different from the anger Keith would show me, hot and immediate, the prince not trying to hide it. I don't know what would have happened next between us, would Lotor have added another bruise to the ones I already had? I'd never get to find out, for the members of my team arrived, ready to make an exchange with Lotor and his men. They would give up the lions for my freedom, and the very thought brought me to tears as I realized they did value me if they were willing to make such a sacrifice.

Of course I should have known they would have a trick up their sleeves. The exchange was all a ruse, Keith and the others wanting to get close enough to rescue me from Lotor. With a bit of help from Coran at the castle, we all managed to escape, though not before Lotor cut open Keith's back with his sword. Even with that set back, we would still manage to fight off Doom's forces, gaining another victory for Arus.

Of course, Coran and the others were horrified to see the dark bruise on my cheek, though I kept quiet about the marks on my wrist. I was quick to blame it on the battle, saying I had injured myself when blue lion was jostled by Lotor's lasers. They seemed to accept that excuse, not noticing how relieved Keith became when I covered for him.

I was always making excuses for Keith it seemed. If not to other people, then to myself. But more than that, I was quick to forgive him. He had after all come for me, and what's more, he had sustained another near deadly injure during his attempt to rescue me. I thought that was proof of his love, I sometimes still think that.

That night wouldn't be the last time Keith would be injured saving me from Lotor. Nor would I have the fortune of avoiding the prince, the man as cunning as he was obsessed with me. Lotor never missed a chance to try and trap me, to arrange things so he could be alone with me. Keith always seems angriest about those encounters, as though he didn't trust me enough to be around the Drule prince.

He'd question me about every single second I was alone with the prince, Keith growing increasingly angry by my answers. He seemed to blame me for every touch, every kiss the prince stole, as if I could have somehow prevented a man of Lotor's size and strength from doing what he pleased. But more than that, he was worried he'd lose me to Lotor, as absurd as that seems.

I often tried to reassure Keith that that would never happen, Lotor was my enemy, but all Keith could see was that he was a prince. And with that princely status came certain rights and abilities that Keith envied. Lotor surely took for granted how easy he had it when it came to announcing his intentions towards me, but Keith noticed, and it left him frustrated that he could not do a thing as simple as state his love in an open manner for all to hear.

He began to grow increasingly worried that I would one day give in to Lotor, that I would see how advantageous an alliance between Arus and Doom could be. It made Keith more desperate to hang onto me, but more than that, it would make him violent if I ever showed any softening towards Lotor. Arguments would ensure, Keith accusing me of things, many of them absurd. He seemed to think I was dressing provocatively to gain Lotor's attention, and he would assume I was doing things to encourage the prince's affections, never understanding why else he would continue to chase after me.

And with these accusations and mistrust, Keith would begin hurting me more and more, slaps to the face, even a punch to my belly. I never knew when his fists would fly, and I often tried to keep distance between us to give me time to avoid such blows. He noticed what I was doing, growing angry that I didn't trust him around me. I would foolishly try to reassure him that wasn't the case, but even I wasn't that good of an actress. Especially with the way I was flinching at every sudden movement of his.

We continued to blame blue lion for my injuries, to the point Nanny was insisting I stop piloting it. "It's too dangerous!" She would say, cupping my bruised cheek, or staring pointedly at my broken arm.

I would override her concerns, knowing without blue lion, there would be no way to explain any new injuries Keith caused me. I know now I was such a fool to have been hiding what he was doing. I kept telling myself he loved me, but soon our every moment was tense and violatile, hardly any kisses of affection being shared. And still I strove to keep the relationship intact, wondering how far I would have to go to keep the only man I have ever loved in my life.

I know now that love is not an excuse to let someone abuse you. It's not love that makes Keith hurt me, it never is. It's something darker, twisted, and I cry over how blind I was to ever mistake it for a warm emotion like love.

I'm still crying when the door to my hospital room opens, I can barely sit up for the pain is that strong. But I look and see Coran there, followed by the head of castle security. I instantly know why they are here, and I take deep, calming breaths, trying to stop the tears. Coran doesn't rush me, approaching my bed side with a handkerchief out. I take it from him gratefully, dabbing at my face with the soft fabric.

"How are you feeling, Allura?" Coran asks, and I let out a choked out sound.

"I've been better..." I say at last, and Coran silently looks me over. I know I must be quite the sight, my face hideous from what Keith has done.

"Can you talk about it?" Coran asked, and I gave a terse nod, knowing I have to. I've been quiet too long.

"Yes, Coran." I say at last, noting the head of security has a data recorder in his hands. "I will tell you everything now."

* * *

I didn't think I would have another chapter so soon. And this was a tough one to write, and I fear it's stupid and not very good. T_T I'm also thinking chapter four will be a Keith POV! So yeah for all those of you clamoring for it! I just hope I don't mess it up too badly....X_X

To Be Continued...

Michelle

Christine, the Dark Rose Maiden, thank you! yes, I thought ot the Jeckle and Hyde comaprison too! This might be a little too personal, but my dad is like that. Fooling people outside into thinking he is this nice guy when he's not. -_- And my bestfriend just left her man who had been abusing her for years! So I well know about these abusive assholes out there...unfortunately.

I'll consider doing a Lotor POV...I actually imagine Lotor arranging for an accident to happen to Keith. A permanent one! I'm glad you found the first two chapters so riveting, and hope you at least like number three...which I worry is the weak one. I am too, glad about all the open minded people who chose to read this fic. Seems we who hate Lotor bashign are uniting here in the review section. I think it's great!

Lotor Sincline, thanks! I tried to keep the romantic stuff a very brief mention. You know, more mention that was the kind of relationship they had, but not go into indepth detail. I'm glad you still liked the chapter even with the hint of romantics! I'll let you in on a secret, I didn't research this stuff, I experienced simialr stuff that I can imagine how it would feel. Maybe this is a bit like therapy.

Hamorny Winters, I am both giggling and flattered you ran to the computer so much to look for an update! Thanks for that and the faving of this story. :)

Misty Gargoyle, I'm surprised at how fast I updated too. I keep telling myself I will take a break from this one, but then the next thing I know I got another chapter on my hands. I need to get out of this dark frame of my mind if I want to work on other fics though. Maybe I need to read one of my library books. (I've got four. X_X) And thank you so much for your words! And the Lotor support! It's good to know so many have my back, and I appreciate it! 

Eleene, thank you! Yes...though I hope I don't mess it up when I attempt to write his POV.

Heza08, yes some monsters do look good. *winks at you.* Ah! Another person who wants the Keith POV...I'll try my best, but Allura's POV is easier for me..I'm kinda scared I will mess up the Keith POV. *shivers* And thank you regarding the fic, and all your insights. Plus the stuff you mentioned to me privately, some of which I hope I can somehow work into the fic somehow. I don't like the thought of Keith breaking down Allura completely either. So we shall see how this goes. Lotor trying to get through to her would be interesting and possibly fun to watch. Provided he doesn't bungle it up completely!

Oh! Almost forgot. That comparison you made of their relationship to his speech about her piloting failures, it's a good one. I need to somehow make use of that in the dreaded Keith POV. :) If I may that is!


End file.
